A Wife, That Is My Request

I've been thinking a lot lately. The more I think, the more I come to the same conclusion. I am madly in love with my wife. This is the small hitch in all this, I have yet to meet my wife. I know God knows her and is keeping her safe, but I at times feel like He is keeping her from me.

More than once I have laid awake at night, crying because I am so desperate for human connection. That is to say, I want someone to be in my life that is God fearing, and also a deep part of my life. I almost feel cursed because I have this uncanny ability to match people, but I cannot hope to find the right someone for me. Every time I think, "Maybe, just maybe, this is the woman I've been waiting for," something snatches that up from me.

I've had many people come to me for relationship advice. Many of them, I didn't even know. I gave them what I knew to say. I have seen many people come together from my advice. It will not work for me. I've been told that I am like Will Smith's character in the movie Hitch. I have never seen this film, but what I understand of the plot, I fit the bill. I can fix relationships, I can match people together. God has given this to me. He did not give me this ability for myself.

I don't know how it works. I drive people together. I have been a part of actually putting two people just where they need to be to know they are right for each other, yet I cannot ever do that for me! It's madding to think that I cannot find that woman who God has planned for me. People tell me to wait on His time, that He'll reveal her to me when I'm ready. It's hard to see that at times. Every time I hope is the time I am let down.

I meet many girls; most of my friends are of the female persuasion. Many girls I meet find me attractive at first. I've been told all my life that I'm handsome or cute or whatever. I have learned one thing about this, it means less than nothing. At work, an incoming Freshman girl was flirting with me when she found out I went to the school she would soon start attending. "I'll definitely look you up in the Fall." What does that mean? I'll tell you, jack squat. I might make a new friend, big deal. That not my main concern. I have friends after friends after friends. Making friends to me is like eating, something I do well and often.

I pray for my wife nearly every night. I have since I got Saved. I know God is faithful, even when I'm not. Part of me says, "Hey, all this heartache and waiting, you know she'll be worth it." For a mainly positive person, I can't listen to the positive side of this all the time. There's still the waiting, the longing, and the pain. I fight back the tears as I type this post. I know there are things in my life that have to change so I'm ready for her, but how I long to meet her! I fear I am a hopeless romantic who is slowly losing hope.