Lately, as I have said more than once, I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's funny how driving in one's car can leave so much time for thought. I think I have thought more about my life and what's going on around me in the last month than I have in a good, long while. Not everything I have uncovered in this time has been good.
The mind is a funny thing. Even when you believe you've mastered it's art, it reveals yet another secret. The heart is the same way. I think that we all over think things. I, too, am guilty of that. I recently had become rather too involved with a friend of mine. It's left us both in a rather unsettled place. For her, I cannot fully understand. For me, I cannot help but feel guilty somehow.
In a healthy relationship, it is natural for both parties to own up to their part in anything. This is my way of owning up. I shouldn't have put you in that situation. I should have taken more responsibility. I admit, I enjoyed the conversations perhaps too much. I have never found myself enjoying a conversation, online or otherwise, so much. I do not offer this as an excuse, but as the truth.
I like to converse, any one who knows me knows this. I hate using the phone for it takes something away from the conversation. I love writing and communicating from it. I never thought, however, about what I said and how it might impose. I'll admit that I get attached to people quite quickly, and I hold my friends very dear. Yet, what I did, I have never done before. I should have know better, yet, because I did not think, I had a hand in all this. Then I have the audacity to feel betrayed over it, to feel hurt. It was my fault, I should have handled it, but now I have done what I shouldn't. For this, I am sorry.
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