Lying to You Completely, While Telling the Whole Truth

What you are about to read is a work of fiction. That is, however, excepting the places where it is not fiction. At those places, it is rather not at all a work of fiction and calling it such would be quite odd indeed. Yet, I will allow you, my dear reader, to determine for yourself where I have opted to let the truth appear.


In the beginning...
God created Man and Woman alike. But I'm sure that's not the right beginning. That's more like the beginning of the beginning, which is far too much of a beginning for this tale, so maybe we should fast forward a bit...

In the beginning, of my reading career that is, I started reading books "too advanced" for my age. (I told you, some of it's fiction, some of it's not, you decide.) I was enthralled how the words on the page played together to make a story. I found myself glued to books, craving more and more of these tomes. Soon, I was reading ahead in all my classes, nothing could sate my appetite for books. I was a reading machine. I won more of those little Personal Pan Pizzas from Pizza Hut than anyone in my whole school because I read constantly. Yet my teachers had yet to really rock my world.

We had been learning to write sentences, simple and "complex." My class felt so proud was we mastered all the sentences our teacher could throw at us. Then we got the curve ball. No, there was no baseball in class, and even if she wanted to, our teacher didn't throw anything at us, but told us to write our own stories. A collective groan was heard throughout the class. Everyone thought it would be too hard to write our own stories, for we had been copying sentences to that point. Well, all this is true, except one child whose eyes got so big, they looked like they were going to pop right out of his little skull. He uttered some words that I'm 100% sure the teacher had never heard before, at least in this order, "You can do that!?"

What was to follow came Nathan, the Story Weaver Extraordinaire. People came from all around to hear me tell tales of mystery, dragons, heroes, and puppies. Not normally in that order, and not always did these stories come with the aforementioned things. It was shocking, it was wonderful. It was all trash.

Rubbish, every little bit of tale weaving I did was laughable at best. It was well in my interest to just quit while I was behind and never look back. And that's exactly what I did. (If you believe that, you haven't been paying attention.)
I became a liar with a knack for getting out of trouble. Few were the people who could catch me in a lie, mainly because I lied constantly. It was like second nature to me. Tell a lie, have people think highly of you, and you have it made. In a sense, I was still weaving my stories that I had loved to tell, just with a lot less effort and an even smaller amount of imagination. I was a out-and-out liar who only used his storytelling powers for evil and self gain. I wasn't aware that with great power comes awesome opportunities to totally express yourself dude! (I apologize for that reference train wreck that 99% of the people who read this won't get.)
I was once asked during a time in my life where I was going nowhere fast, "What are you passionate about?" And, because I apparently like to hit the mute button on life's bigger lessons, I've been asked several more times that exact same question. The question isn't how do I let myself get caught up in the passion of the moment, nor is it what passions others feel I should have. I'm about to lay it thick like peanut butter here, "What are you passionate about?" What makes feel like you were meant to do it? What is it that you do that if you don't do it, it feels like someone took a bite out of you like Scruff McGruff used to take a bite out of crime. (Seriously, does that crazy cartoon police detective dog even still exist? Or did I just totally date myself with that reference? I think it's time for a gritty reboot.)

I was, at some point, I forget which, reminded of that passion for writing/story-telling/being all "expressive." I get encouraged to write and I often try, but then I get discouraged again and I'm pretty sure most of the people who I talk to about my writing want to smack me upside the head and tell me in a gentle, but a smack upside the head way, just write!

Of course then I whine that it's no so easy, maybe even complain how I haven't made a living as a writer yet (if I can even actually get the guts to try to freelance). It's rarely an issue of lack of inspiration. I get inspired by nearly fifty things daily. You want to know the truth? Okay, lean in close and I'll tell you. Closer... A little closer... Wow, do you look silly with your face so close to the screen. That's bad for the eyes you know. See, free medical advice, right there. You can thank me by donation or cookies. I really like cookies.

Oh, right, as I was saying, I get lazy. I get discouraged. I get "lacouraged." (One day I will invent a word and be all relevant and hip for like a full five seconds, after which I will be repeatedly accused of copying the word from someone else.) To be honest, I am a bit scared. Writing is this whole big world and I may never break into it. Or one day I'll be a smash hit and break the writing world's face or something. I'm sure it will all be very painful with all the smashing and breaking going on.

What I am saying is that I need to be a bit better at actually doing the things I know I want to do with my life. I have no idea if I have the slightly bit of talent at all. For all I know, I'm a hack writer with a goatee and a love of cheese. (I do love cheese...) I could do better at a lot of things and it's easy to just look at my faults any get discouraged. But, honestly, I don't think that is what God wants for us. I don't have some super classy Bible verse to back me up on this, but I think God wants us to realize, "Hey, I'm not perfect, and I have tons of room to grow, but God is in control and He made me, so He completely understands where I'm coming from and put these passions into me for a reason." What I'm saying is, what are you passionate about? Have you let the world twist it into an ugly reflection of what God has for you like I did when I would tell so many lies? Or are you taking your God given passions and talents and turning them into something greater?

I am writing more, and I've started really, for the first time in my life, to experiment with my writing style and methods. For the longest time I was on auto-pilot, just letting my writing do it's own thing. I acted like it was a force in itself. Guess what, dear reader, it isn't a force in itself, but a part of who I am. Just like that think this post has reminded you of is a part of you.

I honestly don't know how this post came to this. I found part of this that i had started on before and I realized, I still had a lot to write on it. See, there I am, writing. I'll be writing until the day I die, and maybe, just maybe, God will bless me with something more than a few blogs and some notebooks with my writings peppered within. I don't know, but I never will if I never try. God will never lead me astray, but I can go astray full well on my own.

Heavy, huh? You started this and thought it would be all kicks and giggles and a good time. So did I, but then I had to be honest. Well, on a lighter note, I'll still tell stories about mysteries, dragons, heroes, and puppies, even if not in that order. Because I have a creative God with a sense of humor. I know this is true because He created me and you, and everything in between and beyond, and because at age 22 I'm still tripping over things that aren't there.

Writing At Things Differently

Recently, I committed myself to writing daily. Something, anything, even if it was complete garbage and would never see the light of day. I have quickly learned how hard that is to do. I never really had the habit to write daily, even though I had always wanted to do so. Writing is as much a part of me as is my own arm, or my brain. When I don't at least commit my thoughts to paper (or blog as the case may be), I feel as if part of me is missing, even blank. I spend a great deal of time thinking up things to write, so it should follow that I spend a great deal of time writing. This has not been the case.

I guess part of me felt like I couldn't be a writer, or at the very least, I was a talentless hack sprawling useless little letters, forming sentences of nothing. I looked to others to tell me if I had it in me to be a writer. I was running. Sure, I may never be a professional writer and these blogs of mine may be the only things I ever publish, but it is high time I stop hiding. So what if so and so believes I have no talent? I didn't just imagine that I have this desire to write. It is real, it is alive. I am alive!

It's not like I haven't heard people say I have talent. I guess I just wanted to believe they were just being nice, but I realized something last night. I have honest friends who would tell me if what I wrote was mostly junk. On top of that, I have a desire and love of writing. So, in that sense, I am already a writer. I still have a lot of work to do, as I am experimenting with my writing style and playing a bit with what I can do, not to mention I'm still struggling to write daily. I'm sure it will become easier as I go. I do know that I need to work on my process, for it is not great and I do not spend the serious time thinking on what I write that I would like. I should spend more time writing and editing my work, until the day it become something I can feel not only good about, but that I worked hard on.

I am reminded of a story, or parable rather, that Jesus told in the Bible. Those of you who know it will call it the Parable of the Talents. For those of you who don't know, Jesus told this story of three servants that were given set amounts of money (talents) to take care of while their master was away. Two of the servants put the money to work and returned more than they were given. The last simply buried his charge, and returned exactly what he was given. The two that returned more were put in charge of greater things, but the one who buried the money was not. God has given me a talent of sorts, I should be putting it to work, increasing it, not burying it. I think now I will.

Oh, Forget It, I Can't Think Of A Title Any Way...

So, some news for my faithful few! (Maybe I should avoid saying things like how few people read this and blah, blah, blah...) I finally have my first real interview since I lost my last job. It went fairly well, but it seems I am the first of four candidates for this job and the manager that interviewed me seems to think that he won't make a decision until about Tuesday. Then, if he likes me enough over the other people, then he'll give me a call. If that happens, then I get to interview once again with the general manager, who is ultimately responsible for hiring. All this to be a cook at Applebee's. No offense to the other guys (or possibly gals), but I hope they don't get the job and I do. I need to work 'cause work makes me feel good inside (and makes my bank account feel even better inside).

Speaking of work, I have been reading this blog lately, called Android Central. Recently, they posted an article detailing how they are looking for some new writers to handle news volume. Now, I know, some people are thinking, "Oh, Nathan, that would be right up your alley, you want to be a writer after all." I thought the same thing! However, there is one slight problem, they require that you own an Android smart phone, which I currently do not. (Yes, that is a link to a Wikipedia article, because it gives some good insight for those who don't know that Android is a cell phone operating system and not the Droid series of phones from Verizon.) I do want to own a Nexus One when I have money and my upgrade comes in from T-Mobile, but that is not now.

In other news, life has been interesting. I did/ am doing some work at my church, painting this shed we have. It's great to be doing something with my hands again. Another thing I did with my hands is rip apart a computer I used to own and take some components from it. You see, I found out that my CD drive burned out, or something, on the computer I am currently using at home. I hate that computer so much, but I had some CD's I really wanted to load to my iPod. However, they first needed to be on my iTunes, so I was simply going to take one of the two CD-ROM drives that were going to waste in old system, yet it proved to be more of a task than I thought. So I gutted the thing and now need to find it the parts I took are even worth all that effort. I also recently fixed my PS3, with my own two hands, because I do stuff like that. Yet Best Buy still hasn't called me. Their loss I guess.

How Can Looking For A Job Still Make You Feel Like A Bum?

Oh, unemployment, thou art the bane of my existence. I've been out of work since October and let me tell you, finding a job has been insane. Part of me wonders if there isn't some mean spirited person running around, contacting the people I apply to and telling them not to hire me, not to even call me. Sure, I was let go from my last job, but it wasn't for anything crazy. It's not like I'm some loose cannon waiting for a chance to explode. I am hard working guy and I'm good at what I do. So you know what that means? That's right, NO ONE WILL HIRE ME. At least that is what it feels like. I honestly now have more applications out now that I have ever had in my life. Managers duck my calls like a wide receiver ducking defenders (that's a football reference for the non-football people).

Maybe it's my degree. I have an English degree, but I am not applying (for the most part) to jobs that require a degree. Maybe they think I'm over qualified or that I will dump them as soon as that big job comes in. So they don't call back. It's silly, but it's more like their a boy not sure if the girl who gave him her number wants him to call; he wonders if she is interested. She is, even though this example is kind of a poor choice as I am not a she, but, yeah... I want to work, and I want to work for them. I wouldn't have applied, and I definitely would not have called back. However, it appears that you cannot flirt sweetly enough in these dark economic times. You must find a way to bring down the hammer, or find that one person who is willing to take a chance on you. I want that chance. I work hard and learn any job quickly. I hear those are important things.

One thing I have learned is how to fill out an application. Not that I didn't have this knowledge before, but I know it better than ever now. I'm sure I will have nightmares about filling out applications for the rest of my days.

My roommate Jon states that jobs should just hire me because I'm just that good and they should know it when I walk through the door. Of course he is just being encouraging, but, at the same time, I would love it if I just walked in and they knew I would be a hard worker and a great fit. My dad has convinced me that I know my stuff when it comes to things I have applied for, especially when I applied to have a job at a T-Mobile dealer. I've all but given up on that job ever coming through.

I did "have" a job. I was "hired" on to be a cafe cook. Now, you may have noticed I used quotations there. If not, you might think about investing in glasses, it will save you on headaches and your eyes from getting worse. See, I am very helpful, I provide a free eye exam with my blog post. Any way, I came into work for this cafe one day for a very short period of time, which was to be "training." I was told I did well, and then was given a meal as payment. That's right, I worked for about two hours for lunch. Now, I was told I would be called within the week about my hours (this was a Monday). I waited, then called back. Three times, and then I was told by my dad not to call back. If they wanted me, they would call me. I guess they didn't want me, I never got that call. Then I learned that this same location has been under new management/ownership three times in the last three years, so maybe it was for the best.

However, I now wish there was a way to make money filling out these applications. I do so many a day I have to rack my brain to remember who has an app from me and who I'm looking at applying to. I need to sit down and make a master list, which I may do tonight. Seriously, I could open up a business, Nathan's Applications, "You want them filled out, we get them filled out." Sure, it would start off small at first, and I would only have a few clients. Then, as time went on, especially as people were hired, I would expand. At some point, I would hire on new employees, and even set up a website and a Twitter page (businesses have to have a Twitter page these days). Ironically, new employees could not use the service to apply, because our application would be the pre-interview test they would have to pass. Over time, the company would grow, and I would retire early as I sell the company for a multi-million dollar deal. I wouldn't let the new found wealth spoil me though. Oh no. I would still live like I was middle class, just middle class with a whole lot of disposable income.

My point is that someone should hire me so I can stabilize just a bit so that trying to become a freelance writer doesn't seem like a far off pipe dream that I will never be able to gain. I could be a star, just give me a chance to shine! That, and some income is good for things like bills and what not...

Three in One Day!? MADNESS! (Or Freetime?)

So, this is a shout out to all none of you that are still reading my blogs. This would be my third post this day. (First on Following Christ, then on Starlight Ponderings, and now here.) (Did I really need the link to the blog you are currently reading? Maybe that's not the question, but rather, why you are questioning the question of questions. Yeah... Make sense out of that one.)

Any way, down to the posting. many of you people who don't read my blog are asking, why the no posts? Well, because you don't read my blogs, you didn't see I covered that already and so there. Really, the reason I am posting this is to tell absolutely no one (if there is like one real person who reads this, I apologize, I just know that I get some of the dumbest ads in the comments) about Stuff Christians Like. I picked up the book a few weeks ago and had a great laugh. Then I went onto the blog that started it all, and laughed some more.

I think what I like the most about Stuff Christians Like is that it flies in the face of the myth that Christians can't be funny. In fact, there's a post and an entry in the book about that very thing! How awesome is that? I'll tell you, it's about as awesome as a hot cup of coffee with the perfect mix of cream and sugar with a bagel on the side and some Jack Johnson playing in the background. (That's right, I linked you to the man's website so you can see how wonderful his tunes are. Take your time, I'll wait.)

In short, what I am saying, is to read some of the entries on SCL and laugh a bit, because we know this post ain't doing it for you. (But pity laughs are welcome, just so long as they don't sound like pity laughs. I can't stand it when someone laughs and it sounds like they're forcing it, you know? They say beggers can't be choosers, but forget that mess. If you're gonna pity laugh, laugh like you mean it. Sure, it may take you a while, and you may have to take laughing lessons, but it will be worth it. Then, you can pity laugh without hurting that unfunny friend's feelings, or laugh at your boss' jokes and not get fired. You'll thank me then.)

Any way, to quote many a blogger of yore, I will be posting more. I really will. Why? Because writing is in my blood, and just between you and me and any one with an Internet connection that happens on this blog post, I'm going into the writing biz and blogs are awesome for that. Plus, I can post what I want.