Recently, I committed myself to writing daily. Something, anything, even if it was complete garbage and would never see the light of day. I have quickly learned how hard that is to do. I never really had the habit to write daily, even though I had always wanted to do so. Writing is as much a part of me as is my own arm, or my brain. When I don't at least commit my thoughts to paper (or blog as the case may be), I feel as if part of me is missing, even blank. I spend a great deal of time thinking up things to write, so it should follow that I spend a great deal of time writing. This has not been the case.
I guess part of me felt like I couldn't be a writer, or at the very least, I was a talentless hack sprawling useless little letters, forming sentences of nothing. I looked to others to tell me if I had it in me to be a writer. I was running. Sure, I may never be a professional writer and these blogs of mine may be the only things I ever publish, but it is high time I stop hiding. So what if so and so believes I have no talent? I didn't just imagine that I have this desire to write. It is real, it is alive. I am alive!
It's not like I haven't heard people say I have talent. I guess I just wanted to believe they were just being nice, but I realized something last night. I have honest friends who would tell me if what I wrote was mostly junk. On top of that, I have a desire and love of writing. So, in that sense, I am already a writer. I still have a lot of work to do, as I am experimenting with my writing style and playing a bit with what I can do, not to mention I'm still struggling to write daily. I'm sure it will become easier as I go. I do know that I need to work on my process, for it is not great and I do not spend the serious time thinking on what I write that I would like. I should spend more time writing and editing my work, until the day it become something I can feel not only good about, but that I worked hard on.
I am reminded of a story, or parable rather, that Jesus told in the Bible. Those of you who know it will call it the Parable of the Talents. For those of you who don't know, Jesus told this story of three servants that were given set amounts of money (talents) to take care of while their master was away. Two of the servants put the money to work and returned more than they were given. The last simply buried his charge, and returned exactly what he was given. The two that returned more were put in charge of greater things, but the one who buried the money was not. God has given me a talent of sorts, I should be putting it to work, increasing it, not burying it. I think now I will.
