It was one o' clock in the morning. In my hand was a steaming cup of Supreme Cinnamon Nutmeg Hot Chocolate (that is 7 Eleven's "Supreme" Hot Chocolate with cinnamon and nutmeg added in). I was walking to avoid coming back to my mom's apartment for my brothers were watching "adult" shows and I wanted no part. I felt kind of cold, for indeed, it was cold outside. I made the trip to the 7 Eleven and with spoils in hand, I walked on. I headed to this small church that was just within walking distance of the apartments. My plan was to go there in the morning, but I did not know my brothers would be up until 4:00 am watching t.v. So I didn't get to go to church yet again, but the experience I had was simply amazing.
It's funny how you find walking alone in the still of the night that you can come close to the Lord. I've had problems being with my family, for they, no matter how much I plead with them, refuse to look towards God. I thought I was supposed to be here to be a witness for them, be here to help them with coming to know the Lord. Truly, I am here to be a witness, but no more than I supposed to be a witness to my fellow man. The conversation of my soul with my God was enlightening.
"Lord, why am I here?" was the question that pressed me. I try and try, but only face opposition from these people that are called my family. I am attacked and assailed constantly and see no fruit for all my labors. The Lord reminded me of something last night. He is in control and He has a plan. I need to stop looking for the "fruits" of my labor, for that is not mine to keep track of. It is not mine to boast in. All my fruits are not even mine in the end, they are the Lord's. So what am I doing here? What is the plan?
"Remember who you are," commanded Mufasa in the Lion King. I loved that film, still do. In other words, remember where you came from so that you can do what must be done. I think this is the Lord's main purpose for me. I feel that the Lord wants me to remember what He has delivered from. He wants me to remember that I was once debase and immoral, and that I still have a long way to go. I am saved, not because I deserve it, but because He loved me enough to die for me. I am glad to know Him.
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